between a rock...

further fortune

after my birthday post, i realized that i had never completely extricated the fortune. assumptions were made on what was visible, most of them wrong.
so i opened it up.

this is the way i've often done things in the past-
upside down and backward.

thought i'd try it this way this time.

the question is, which one?

fortune unfolding

today i am 60.
i have not yet made peace with that.
it may take a while. maybe a year.

 

then again, maybe not.

ghosts

all our efforts are temporary. they borrow from preexisting forces, ride the current of natural events, and disappear according to the dictates of the situation. it is best to realize the transitory nature of things and work with it. understanding the world's ephemeral nature can be the biggest advantage of all.
--364 tao, day 47

white heart

heartless flowers

i choose the heartless flowers,
blatantly blooming, seducing.
they die,
strewing petal tracks
across my eyes.

the white album

i used to have a nova...

heart of gold

in the interest of full disclosure, i love neil young.
i don't care how old, fat, or hairless he gets.
i think he's damn brilliant, and beyond sexy.
so, neil-call me.

question of the day

Has my heart gone to sleep?

Have the beehives of my dreams stopped working, the waterwheel

of the mind run dry, scoops turning empty,

only shadow inside?

No, my heart is not asleep. It is awake, wide awake.

Not asleep, not dreaming - its eyes are opened wide

watching distant signals, listening on the rim

of vast silence.

- Antonio Machado

home is where the heart is

the chaos in my heart
wants a meeting.
it has an agenda.
whence comes this havoc?
dammit.

the infrastructure is dissolving,
the veil is thin.
the past no longer matters,
the future does not exist.

ah.
meeting adjourned.

linda, this one's for you

i've lived in this nut job of a city for a little over 3 years. when i first arrived, i did what i always do in a new place. i searched out the libraries, the yoga studios, and the used bookstores. oh yeah, and the grocery stores.

in the used bookstore category, i found gold.
not only did i find a marvelous bookstore, i found friends. brilliant, creative, caring, talented, warm, open-hearted friends. we nurture, amuse, stimulate and aggravate each other. friends!

linda is one of them. she owns the bookstore, dead poet books. she reads this, and other, blogs. she's lived here for 20+ years, and knows this place. she is a staunch supporter of my foray into photography. she critiques my photos, and tells me the truth. she has listened to my woes, and told me when to suck it up. she is an artist, a businesswoman, and is talented in ways that make my jaw drop.

she's had some tough times of late, tough enough to make any other person walk off a cliff. she, however, is tougher than the times.

so linda, this one is for you, with all my heart.
i wish i could do more, hon.

...and i am perpetually awaiting a rebirth of wonder...

the title is from the ferlinghetti poem in my last post.

this is what we lose, i think.
we lose the ability to wonder,
to be present anew,
to see with fresh eyes,
to lose the cynicism,
to shake the numbness,
to drop the armor,
to open the heart.

how do we shed the fear?
how do we soften?

how do we receive?

we laugh, and we love.

here's the laugh:

lyle lovett-penguins
(embedding disabled, you HAVE to see this)

here's the love:

what next?

sometimes, i just see red.
or yellow, or orange, or blue.
i'm teased by light.
there is no end.

ghost heart

in your haunted-house heart,
ghosts live, and live well.
gorged on hurt and sorrow and loss,
fat with pain and the past,
they are your present.
their eyes are yours, you speak their words,
you hear only echoes.
they drift across your face at tender times.
we don't exist, the flesh-and-bloods,
until we stir the ghosts.