Wednesday, May 5, 2010

we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Each day your life grows shorter by twenty-four hours. The time to make achievements becomes more precious. You must fulfill everything you want in life and then release your will upon the moment of death. Your life is a creation that dies when you die. Release it, give up your individuality, and in so doing, finally merge completely with Tao.
Until that moment, create the poetry of your life with toughness and determination.
--365 Tao, day 125

if you've been here before, you know that i don't usually write here. it's been pretty much photos, poetry and music. lately, two things have happened that i feel compelled, compelled i say, to share.

this isn't for the purpose of self-aggrandizement.

a bit of background for the first one:
i teach yoga at several places here, most frequently at a community center. this is my third year there, and many of the attendees have been with me the whole time. the center recently started allowing drop-ins. by recently, i mean last week.
yesterday, i had my first drop-in. a very nice young woman, had done yoga before, but not in quite a while. i asked all my usual injury/balance questions, explained a little about how i teach (not a flow-and-glow class, i actually teach.) as the class progressed, she was amenable to my suggestions on how to improve her alignment, etc. all went well. at the end of the class, i asked her how the class was for her.


she was practically jumping up and down, almost yelling:

this went on for a bit, and i started laughing. what else can you do in the face of that much enthusiasm? keep in mind, there were other students milling about, getting their stuff together to leave. they were laughing too.

i thanked her for her kind words, found out she's planning to come every tuesday and thursday. nothing like a lost sheep returning to the yoga fold!

second one:
if you've been following this blog for a bit, you know that my foray into photography is a recent development. my one-year anniversary is coming up soon, to be appropriately feted, somehow. you may have also gleaned that i am not at all sure of myself in this arena, and that i stopped for awhile, then started up again. kind of.
in the last couple of weeks, i've gotten feedback that, well, shook me up.
this is what happened.

on two separate occasions, my blog was seen by a two different professional photographers. (i wasn't present on either of these occasions.i know the work of one, not the other.) i don't know these folks, and they don't know me. they saw my blog up on a friend's computer, and homed in on it like a snail to beer. they both said exceedingly complimentary things. one took my blog address to look some more. when my friend reported this to me, i almost cried. the one comment that really got to me was, " she's a natural. some people got it, and some don't. she's got it."

this isn't bragging. this is reality-altering.

these events came about at a time when i was thoroughly discouraged about my skills in both yoga and photography. i mean, really bummed.

i know i'm an ok yoga instructor. of late, i've been less than pleased with my teaching- i'm bored, and it shows. my classes are sluggish, and so am i. i've been considering packing it in and getting a job as a pole dancer in a retirement community. the tips might be good.

it's worse on the photography front. i'm much less skilled there than yoga, and right now i don't know how to proceed. take a class? find a mentor? start shooting (i mean photographing) puppies and kittens? trade my cameras for an oil change? what???

these two things gave me pause. i've never been one to say "i want to do this, this and this before i die." i know it doesn't really much matter. when i'm gone, it's gone. so be it. i look forward to merging with the tao.what i did realize is that has in fact prevented me from doing things whole hog, full tilt boogie, balls (or ovaries) to the wall. not all things, just some things.

some of the scales have fallen from my eyes, and i see a bit more clearly now. it's taken me a long damn time. it's time for lead, follow, or get out of the way.

so i continue with what i love, whether i do it well or not. fuck the judges.

i didn't really want to pole dance anyway. much.


  1. Can't comment on your yoga skills except that if I was going to take it up I would want you to be my instructor. You're right that it won't matter when you're gone but your not. So if you enjoy it than go for it. I'll be here cheering you on. Maybe a Community college or adult learning center. Yoga for photographers. This is the most excited I've seen you in a while. I like it. You make a grown man cry!

  2. Good for you! I'm glad your're feeling better about your endeavors. You know I have long admired your photography skills. I especially like the captures you've made lately that put my head a-tilt.

    The Yoga business is a hard one. I have a friend who has taught and gone to every workshop imaginable. She burns out regularly. It's hard when you're trying to get others to come into alignment.

    I enjoyed your free-flow of expression here. You deserve to celebrate your skills. No more excessive down dog for you - just fetch (more compliments).

  3. Pole dancing does sound interesting!
    Listen to the Universe, it is sending you strong messages that you are in the right path… when you were doubting your yoga instructor skills, a new student came out of nowhere to just remind you how great you are. When you questioned your photograph skills – two professionals blessed your work – Gosh if that are not strong signs, then I’m lost!
    Believe in yourself, follow your heart, and love, love and love who you are!
    Love your post… written from deep down.


  4. Hi,

    Count me among those who greatly admire your extraordinary talent at using natural light to make wondrously magical photographs. I also like the subject you choose to photograph. I have to add though that in addition to that talent, I have noticed that you also have a way with words. I love your writing: to me your prose is poetic. Namaste.


  5. It's your blog. Do what you want.

  6. tag-aw, man, now you've made me cry!

    kass-yep, it's up-dog now!

    gabi-i agree, these are good signs. now it's up to me to make something of all this.

    tregina-boy, you don't show up often, but when you do...! thank you.

    kirk-and it's my life too, which i only recently figured out. talk about a slow learner,

    to all of you, thank you, from my heart, for this wondrous show of support. i am touched.

  7. Your photography is my inspiration. Better than most professionals (at least in my book), and I love your quotes. Keep following your heart and take us along.

  8. jan-wow. you are welcome to come along whenever you want. i read your blog regularly, need to start posting more. we share a number of experiences and perceptions. you have a gift for expressing them in a way that clarifies things for me.