Tuesday, May 25, 2010

anniversary, the sequel

or, the year of living dangerously.

i've had quite a few years of living dangerously, now that i think about it. this last year is one in a string of years during which i pushed the limits. this time, however, i was pushing the limits in so many domains at once, well, things got a bit crazy.

not bad crazy, mind you, good crazy.
if you can stand the chaos.

thinking that things are starting to make sense seems to be an invitation to the universe to shake things up. and once more i'm scrambling in the unknown.

since i don't really know anything, i got nothing to lose.

and if you want to hear the lyrics, which are, um, relevant...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

anniversary, of many things

a year of beginnings and endings,
openings and closings,
and all that stuff in between.
i am continually surprised, amused, bewildered.
what a long, strange trip it has been, and continues to be.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

um, it's the wind again

i went hiking today. the wind was fierce, unrelenting, and at the same time cordial. it's becoming a friend that visits often, and tells me things i don't want to know quite yet.
the gusts were so strong, i was unable to hold my camera still. most everything was blurred. even the joshua trees were swaying, in time with the wind. the agave were steadfast, some of the wildflowers were sheltered.
i was in the wind.


i've been having an ongoing conversation with this agave for a while now. mostly it consists of me saying "may i?", and the agave giving me the finger.

methinks the tide has turned.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Each day your life grows shorter by twenty-four hours. The time to make achievements becomes more precious. You must fulfill everything you want in life and then release your will upon the moment of death. Your life is a creation that dies when you die. Release it, give up your individuality, and in so doing, finally merge completely with Tao.
Until that moment, create the poetry of your life with toughness and determination.
--365 Tao, day 125

if you've been here before, you know that i don't usually write here. it's been pretty much photos, poetry and music. lately, two things have happened that i feel compelled, compelled i say, to share.

this isn't for the purpose of self-aggrandizement.

a bit of background for the first one:
i teach yoga at several places here, most frequently at a community center. this is my third year there, and many of the attendees have been with me the whole time. the center recently started allowing drop-ins. by recently, i mean last week.
yesterday, i had my first drop-in. a very nice young woman, had done yoga before, but not in quite a while. i asked all my usual injury/balance questions, explained a little about how i teach (not a flow-and-glow class, i actually teach.) as the class progressed, she was amenable to my suggestions on how to improve her alignment, etc. all went well. at the end of the class, i asked her how the class was for her.


she was practically jumping up and down, almost yelling:

this went on for a bit, and i started laughing. what else can you do in the face of that much enthusiasm? keep in mind, there were other students milling about, getting their stuff together to leave. they were laughing too.

i thanked her for her kind words, found out she's planning to come every tuesday and thursday. nothing like a lost sheep returning to the yoga fold!

second one:
if you've been following this blog for a bit, you know that my foray into photography is a recent development. my one-year anniversary is coming up soon, to be appropriately feted, somehow. you may have also gleaned that i am not at all sure of myself in this arena, and that i stopped for awhile, then started up again. kind of.
in the last couple of weeks, i've gotten feedback that, well, shook me up.
this is what happened.

on two separate occasions, my blog was seen by a two different professional photographers. (i wasn't present on either of these occasions.i know the work of one, not the other.) i don't know these folks, and they don't know me. they saw my blog up on a friend's computer, and homed in on it like a snail to beer. they both said exceedingly complimentary things. one took my blog address to look some more. when my friend reported this to me, i almost cried. the one comment that really got to me was, " she's a natural. some people got it, and some don't. she's got it."

this isn't bragging. this is reality-altering.

these events came about at a time when i was thoroughly discouraged about my skills in both yoga and photography. i mean, really bummed.

i know i'm an ok yoga instructor. of late, i've been less than pleased with my teaching- i'm bored, and it shows. my classes are sluggish, and so am i. i've been considering packing it in and getting a job as a pole dancer in a retirement community. the tips might be good.

it's worse on the photography front. i'm much less skilled there than yoga, and right now i don't know how to proceed. take a class? find a mentor? start shooting (i mean photographing) puppies and kittens? trade my cameras for an oil change? what???

these two things gave me pause. i've never been one to say "i want to do this, this and this before i die." i know it doesn't really much matter. when i'm gone, it's gone. so be it. i look forward to merging with the tao.what i did realize is that has in fact prevented me from doing things whole hog, full tilt boogie, balls (or ovaries) to the wall. not all things, just some things.

some of the scales have fallen from my eyes, and i see a bit more clearly now. it's taken me a long damn time. it's time for lead, follow, or get out of the way.

so i continue with what i love, whether i do it well or not. fuck the judges.

i didn't really want to pole dance anyway. much.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


bring me the remnants,
the shreds and strands
of what i thought was real.
i'll weave them together,
another illusion
to get me through the day.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

question the moon

ask the question.
go ahead.
hear the answer.
follow it into your heart.
do what's next.