solstice 2012

my heart is dark
as a winter afternoon
waiting
waiting
for the change
in the light
to show
shadows short
and 
the rips and tears to heal

because...

the dark of heartness

awoke in the night

looking for comfort

and share

grabbed a handful of dark

an armful of

you're not there.

apparitional attitude

next?

what are you afraid of?

in life

in relationship

what are you afraid of?

that might happen

that won't happen

what are you afraid of?

that  you want

that you won't get

that you will get

what are you afraid of?

that you've done

that you haven't done

what are you afraid of?

that brings you to the brink

of wild love

or crushing loss

there is no difference.

Edit: i changed the music.

street

when i have time, and the energy, i walk in the neighborhood. there's been a lot of construction going on, everywhere. the markings on the street are  urban hieroglyphics. i'm sure they mean something to someone, and i am not among the cognescenti. 

 well, this one is pretty obvious. i think.

didn't know i had walked that far.

because i have to...

and for contrast...

empty glass, empty heart

past and present

these are miscellaneous shots from various hikes over the last couple of months.

heart of the tree

clouds rising

fragility in the rocks.

bristlecone butt

been a lot of places, high up on mt. charleston, where it's cooler, and you can smell the pine sap and the sage.

more to come this weekend.

we're heading up to mt. charleston, and i mean the top.
yeah, i'm nervous.

devil love

purple haze

i used to have style. really

when i was in college, lo, these many years ago, i had style.

several, and eclectic, but style.

i wore long denim skirts with gauzy indian blouses, that had bells on them.

i wore mini skirts with high leather boots and tight sweaters.

and of course, i wore jeans and t-shirts. ( i still wear those.)

i was nothing if not versatile.

i cross dressed many styles, politics, philosophies.

and i wore capes. i had two, one grey, one white. i floated across

campus at 4am, to go to my shift at the crisis intervention center, a spectre in the mist and dark. i wrapped myself in wool and mystery, and spoke to no one.

well, hell, who's awake at 4am?

the best thing was my famous blue raincoat.

it snapped from neck to ankle, swishy, bright blue. 

striking, and cool.

wish i could find a picture of it.

now, for good or ill, i have clothes.

utilitarian. last forever.

and exceedingly boring.

they wick, because i hike.

they stretch, because i teach yoga.

they are simple, because the other stuff is stupidly expensive.

my current blue raincoat.

not famous, no style, nothing alluring, nothing mysterious. 

even if i was naked under it, so what.
it's water repellent.

i can make a tent out of it.

i want to move into the next days of flamboyance, expression, eccentrism, that old people do. we just don't give a shit about opinion. we don't give a shit about much, because it's all ending anyway.

i need a hat

dance me

watch this , if you've ever loved.

morning becomes eclectic

missing levon

for some reason, i've been missing the band, and levon helm in particular. the band was a revelation for me (c'mon, music from big pink?!), musically and otherwise. levon helm had a particular place in my heart. it's my opinion that he did the best solo work of the group. robbie robertson still has places to go.

so do i.

looking back is dangerous

as satchel paige is reputed to have said, don't look back, 

something might be gaining on you.

of course, he also said, 

just take the ball and throw it where you want to. throw strikes.

home plate don't move.

sometimes i hike around

for the last couple of weeks, i've been hiking some of the trails in mt. charleston. in the 5+ years i've lived here, this is the first foray i've made up there.
i've been going with jim. he's been plagued with unrelentingly nasty saddle sores, and as a result his cycling and training have been halted. a very sad state of affairs, since he was on track for a stellar racing season. for more on that, go here, if only for the picture!
anyway...
i do not make the best hiking companion. i'm slow on the climbs, blow my nose constantly, rest often,  pant more than breathe, and am prone to singing loudly when i have enough air. i do, however, rock the downhills, and tend to be annoyingly cheerful.
i also bring along treats.


jimmy, on the other hand, has the legs of a mountain goat, and the heart and lungs of a damn sherpa. he's at least a switchback and a half ahead of me on the climbs. i'm usually looking at his butt, when i can see him at all. you know what they say, when you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
i see a lot of this.

in the hopes of doing a backpacking overnight trip to the summit of mt. charleston, we've been testing fitness, boots, equipment, sanity, etc. all are lacking in some dimension. i'm beginning to think sanity is the main issue.


these photos aren't exceptional in any way, other than as a record. these are from yesterday's adventure, to the top of bonanza peak.


did i mention there are wild horses? they sure eat a lot.

on the way up:

and at the summit:

 the ammo box contains a log where you can sign in and comment. it's also how you know  you're in the right place. there is at least one "false" summit.

this is what i sing. until today, i could only remember
 the first verse. 

now, i know all of them!

sometimes i walk around

these are some of the things i see as i walk around the 'hood.

and some of the things that see me.

i'd rather be dancing.

maybe, dancewalking.

yeah, baby!